Why So Many Kids Feel Overwhelmed Today

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If there’s one thing I’ve learned after more than three decades of homeschooling and raising a large family, it’s this: kids rarely struggle because they’re “difficult.” Most of the time, they’re struggling because life feels difficult to them.

I’ve raised biological children and adopted children. Some came into our family as babies. Others joined us after experiencing trauma, loss, and instability. Over the years, I’ve homeschooled kids who were eager learners and kids who fought every math problem. I’ve parented children with anxiety, learning challenges, and strong personalities. Through it all, I’ve noticed a common thread:

Today’s kids are overwhelmed. Not because they’re weak. Not because parents have failed. But because childhood itself has become far more complicated.

The Hidden Pressures Kids Carry Today

Children today are growing up in a world filled with constant noise and pressure. They face:

• Endless comparison through social media
• Academic expectations that often value performance over curiosity
• Busy schedules that leave little room for rest
• Exposure to news and world crises at very young ages

Even younger kids often carry emotional loads they were never meant to carry.

Many parents respond by tightening control. I’ve made that mistake before! Okay, the truth is that I still lean that way sometimes. We create rules, more consequences, and more pressure to succeed. But in my experience, what struggling kids need most isn’t control.

They need connection.

As I write this, we’re actually going through a hard season with a few of our teens. They’ve made some poor choices, and the consequences are real. And while I want to pile on more rules, they’re facing natural consequences that teach them valuable lessons. Adding more consequences could be like giving them a shovel to dig a deeper hole. 

Instead, I’m choosing to sit with them. I took my daughter to lunch so I could help her work through her emotions. I sat with my son as he worried about his future. I reminded them that they are loved, even when they make mistakes. I reminded them that they are not alone. I want them to know they can come to me with anything. I also told them I believe in their ability to grow and change. Most of all, I want them to know that their worth is not tied to their performance, and God loves them unconditionally. We do, too.

Kids Thrive When They Feel Known

In our homeschool days, learning has happened around the kitchen table, on the couch, and sometimes on the floor, surrounded by books. But the most important thing that happened in our home wasn’t academics. It was relationship.

When kids feel deeply known, when they believe their parents truly see them, it changes everything.

Psychiatrist Daniel Siegel, author of The Whole-Brain Child, explains that children thrive when they feel “seen, soothed, safe, and secure.” Those four experiences build the emotional foundation for healthy development. I’ve watched this play out in our home again and again … with our children, our teens, and even our adult kids.

One of my kids used to shut down whenever schoolwork became hard. At first, I responded the way many parents do: with frustration and lectures about responsibility. But eventually I realized the real issue wasn’t laziness. It was fear of failure. Once we started talking about those fears, something shifted. The resistance softened. Learning became possible again. Connection opened the door.

Character Matters More Than Perfect Grades

One benefit of homeschooling is that it naturally shifts the focus away from competition and toward growth. Of course, academics matter. Education is important. But after raising many kids into adulthood, I can say with confidence: Character matters far more than report cards. The qualities that serve kids most in life aren’t perfect test scores. There are things like:

• resilience
• humility
• responsibility
• compassion
• Perseverance

Scripture reminds us of this deeper goal of parenting:

“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” —Proverbs 22:6

That “way” isn’t simply academic success. It’s a life rooted in wisdom, faith, and integrity. To see my adult children living with kindness, purpose, and moral courage is the greatest success I’ve known. That’s what I want for every child. The wonderful thing is seeing them pass on their values, faith, and love of Jesus to their own children.

Family Culture Shapes Kids More Than We Realize

One thing I’ve learned is that family culture quietly shapes children every day. It’s not built through grand parenting strategies. It’s built through ordinary rhythms. These are the things we do over and over again. They are simple things that can be added to every day:

• shared meals
• conversations in the car
• bedtime prayers
• laughter around the dinner table
• working together to solve problems

These small moments create something powerful: belonging. Kids who feel like they truly belong in their family carry that security with them into the world.

In our home, we’ve tried to emphasize that we’re a team. Or, as some people like to call us, “Goyer Nation.” Everyone contributes. Everyone matters. We’re all here for each other. We lift each other up and help each other out.

Sometimes that looks like helping cook dinner. Other times, it’s helping out with younger siblings. Responsibility helps kids understand they are needed, and that feeling builds confidence.

The Power of Purpose

One thing I’ve noticed about resilient kids is that they believe their lives have meaning. They know they were created for something bigger than themselves. For our family, faith has played a huge role in shaping that perspective. We remind our kids often that God has a purpose for their lives. As the prophet Jeremiah wrote:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” —Jeremiah 29:11

When children grow up believing their lives have purpose, setbacks don’t define them. Hard seasons become part of their story, not the end of it.

What Kids Need Most From Parents

After decades of parenting and homeschooling, I’ve come to believe that most kids don’t need more pressure. They need parents who will:

1. Prioritize relationship over performance. Kids learn best when they feel safe and supported, not constantly evaluated.

2. Listen before correcting. Many behaviors are actually signals of deeper struggles.

3. Build strong family rhythms. Simple habits—shared meals, conversations, prayer—anchor children emotionally.

4. Teach responsibility. Kids grow in confidence when they are trusted with meaningful roles.

5. Point them toward purpose. Children need to know their lives matter and that they were created for something good.

Hope for Parents Who Feel Overwhelmed

If you’re a parent reading this and feeling discouraged, I want to offer some hope. You don’t have to be a perfect parent. You don’t need the perfect school system or the perfect curriculum. What children need most cannot be purchased or downloaded. They need presence. They need patience. They need parents who keep showing up.

Over the years, I’ve watched kids who struggled in childhood grow into remarkable adults—men and women who love others well, pursue meaningful work, and walk closely with God. And the common thread wasn’t perfect parenting. It was something much simpler. They grew up in homes where they were loved, guided, and reminded again and again: You belong here. And your life matters.

Resources to Deepen Your Faith and Family Connection

The Grumble-Free Year

When we are “hustling for worthiness,” we often find ourselves grumbling about what we don’t have. We focus on the lack instead of the abundance of God’s love. In this book, I invite you into my family’s real-life experiment to root out complaining and plant gratitude. It is a journey of discovering that a heart full of praise has no room for begging.

Prayers That Changed History 

Prayer is powerful. In this book, I share the stories of twenty-five historical figures who, like Bartimaeus, called out to God and saw Him move in mighty ways. It is a wonderful way to teach your children that their prayers really do matter to the King.

Wonders of the Ocean Realm

When we open our eyes to creation, we see the majesty of our Creator. This book takes you and your children on a dive into the deep sea to explore the ocean’s breathtaking beauty. It serves as a stunning reminder that the God who designed every colorful fish and coral reef is the same God who is enthralled by your beauty.

Whit’s End Mealtime Devotions: 90 Faith-Building Ideas Your Kids Will Eat Up

Join the beloved characters from Adventures in Odyssey for ninety days of conversation and connection. These devotions are designed to help you gather around the table, laugh together, and feed your family’s souls as well as their bodies.

Faith That Sticks: 5 Real-Life Ways to Disciple Your Preteen 

This book provides a practical, hands-on way to speak life into your family. Use these ideas to cover your home, your car, and your children’s mirrors with God’s truth. It is a simple tool to make sure the message of God’s love sticks in their hearts and minds.